Six weeks ago, I wrote this blog post about judgmental parents. It was an open letter to encourage parents to support others, rather than look down their noses.
But in the real world, we just can't get away from judgmental parents. I was on a parenting forum yesterday where a mom was on about her child with chicken pox. She didn't have a car and no money for a taxi; she had no food in the house until her weekly shop was delivered; her husband was away and she had no support from neighbors. So, she took her child home from nursery after getting a call about chicken pox spots appearing on the bus, stopping by a supermarket for a quick loaf of bread, milk, and other essentials.
These weren't excuses. These were the true facts of her life.
Other moms instantly jumped on her, judging her for her "selfish actions."
Sure, chicken pox is awful for children who have auto-immune disorders. When my girls had chicken pox I didn't leave the house with them for the full weeks until their spots scabbed over and were no longer contagious. But I was one of the lucky ones with friends and a husband close by to help. I had a car, so I could reduce exposure. I didn't need to take them to the grocery store and didn't have to worry about the costs for a taxi--and taxis are bloody expensive.
It just made it clear that parents can't stop judging others. No matter how much we say that judgmental parents need to focus on their own lives and not the lives of others, there will always be someone who doesn't accept that there are times there are no other options.
What made me laugh about the thread I was on was on another thread the parents were supportive of someone who was literally on the poverty line. They understood that she didn't have money for a taxi to get to a job interview and tried to help with alternative ways for that mom to get there. They didn't judge, but actively supported and came up with reasons.
Another mom who was being evicted had mostly full support from the moms who judged the parent with the chicken pox child on a bus. They understood her financial situation, but couldn't understand chicken pox mom's situation.
It's a double standard in parenting. Come out with a good sob story and don't have an illness, and you're absolutely fine. The minute there's a contagious disease, God forbid that you don't put yourself into bankruptcy and starve your children. By the way, and internet food shop doesn't come on the same day as you order it where I am. I don't expect it to anywhere else. You'd be lucky if you could get it the very next day.
So what are your options when dealing with judgmental parents? Roll your eyes and move on. They're not going to listen to your side of the story or your real situation. They'll continue to believe their view of the world. Do the same back to them and live your life the way that works for you and your children. Do what you think is best, because that's all parents can do.
Note: I'm not saying chicken pox isn't dangerous to some. I made sure friends who I was planning to visit were aware that my daughters had it when they did. I stayed away from stores, play parks, and any other crowded place because I was able to. I just accept that not every parent would have been in the exact same situation as me. I've also been there when there's been absolutely nobody to rely on around you and sometimes you have to make that risk assessment to avoid a hungry and cranky, already sick child.
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