The latest on a parenting forum I'm a member of is a debate over working moms and stay at home moms. It opened a debate over which type of mom sets the best example for their children.
While there are many who view working moms as the best example (proving women can have babies and careers just like their male counterparts), one mom believed that stay at home moms were better. She remembered all the times that her mom was able to attend school performances, do after school activities, and help with homework.
I just had to roll my eyes, shake my head, and ignore. I wasn't getting into the debate of working mom vs. stay at home mom.
My belief is that both types of moms offer excellent things for their children. They both teach children different values.
Stay at Home Moms Are Always There
Sure, a stay at home mom has more chance of making all recitals, school fairs, parent teacher conferences, and is there after school. They're also sharing that women can be happy being homemakers; that they're happy cooking, cleaning, raising children etc. without working on their own career.
That's not necessarily a bad thing. While there are many women who want to work, there are many others who want to stay at home and raise children. This may be a 1950s view, but that doesn't make it terrible. The whole point of equality and forward thinking is to have a choice.
A stay at home mom shows that sometimes choosing not to work is a choice. They're putting their faith in their partners to provide, while they look after the home and do the child-rearing.
This works well if both parents are happy with this. If the stay at home mom wants a career but feels forced into staying at home, this isn't setting a good example for the children. She's showing that other people's wants and needs will always come before her own happiness.
Okay, so financial situations may make it better for a mom to stay at home, but there shouldn't be other factors at play. If a mom wants to return to work, she shouldn't feel guilty for that.
Working Moms Teach Sustainability and Equality
There is no denying that working moms show children that women can work and support a family at the same time. Many working moms are still the main caregiver in the house. They're still the ones to go to most of the dance recitals, school shows, and be at home to help with homework.
Working moms make it clear that it is possible to have the best of both worlds. They also show that they can be equal to their male counterparts. After all, dads can work and be parents at the same time, right?
But like with stay at home moms, this only sets a good example when the moms are happy. Financial issues aside again, working moms shouldn't feel pressurized by society to return to the work force. They should be able to have open discussions with their partners about their options. If working moms want to cut back on the hours to raise their children (and finances allow it) they need to discuss this with their partners and find a compromise. If working moms want to take on more responsibility at work, it's up to the other parent to step up and do more--but again, this needs to be an agreement between the two.
Getting the Best of Both Worlds as a Work at Home Mom
Many people tell me that I have the best of both worlds. As a work at home mom, I show my daughters that they can be moms and have a career, but I'm also there for all their needs.
It's not easy and it's not necessarily going to be the right option for everyone. Sometimes I do make sacrifices. My daughters are used to hearing me say the word "work" and they can be disappointed. But they also look forward to spending time with me when I have finished. They love that I can get to all their school events and go on weekend trips; that I have no boss telling me that I have to be in work for 6am on a Sunday morning.
There are risks involved with this, but it was the right decision for me and my family. When I chose to get an out of the house job, I discussed it with my husband and we agreed on terms. When I then chose to quit that and focus back on my business, we came to a decision.
Being a work at home mom again only offers good examples when everyone is happy. The mom has to want this and find joy in doing this. And also needs to show that there is a balance.
All types of moms can set good examples for their children. It's sad that it's a working mom vs. stay at home mom debate. Really, we should be supporting one another not judging, regardless of the choices we've made. Let's stop the forum threads that cause high emotions and defensive comments.
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