Do You Judge Other Parents? Why Aren’t We Supporting Each Other Instead?

I’ve held off from blogging about this topic for a long time. It’s something that’s cropped up on Facebook and Twitter now and then, but I’ve refrained from posting about it myself.

I’ve refrained from posting here at all for a long time. But that’s going to change.

You see, while it’s been said time and time again, it needs to be said again. Nobody is listening. It’s time to stop judging other parents. Why aren’t we supporting one another more? Why is it that we have a view on other parents’ styles and decisions?

It’s not like we’re all perfect. We all do things differently. We take advice from different places and we do what we feel is best for our children. That doesn’t mean we’re right, but it also doesn’t mean you are.

So, to all the judging parents out there, I’ve got this to say.

You have no idea what another parent is going through.

• That 3-year-old sucking a dummy may have severe learning skills that means she is stuck with the mind of an infant.

• The 5-year-old that is in a pushchair instead of walking isn’t able to walk, but his parents can’t afford to get him a comfortable wheelchair for him and them.

• The 8-year-old throwing the tantrum is actually having a meltdown because of her severe autism.

• The mother giving her child crisps and junk food has tried for a week to only give healthy food but her child is refusing to eat anything because of her hidden disability and the mother just wants to make sure her child is eating something.

• If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that there are times you’re ready to pull your hair out because your child won’t each anything but macaroni cheese one week only to be disgusted by it the next.

• If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that you shouted at your child because you’d had enough of repeating yourself for the last two hours straight.

• If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that your child isn’t well-behaved all the time.

• Pull out a tissue when you see a mom crying because her child has answered her back for the 40 millionth time as they go through the Terrible Twos.

• Be reassuring when bringing their tearaway toddler back that dad didn’t realise had gone off because she was busy dealing with the crying, feeding infant.

• Stand up for the mother being belittled for choosing to breastfeed in a restaurant or having the audacity to choose a bottle instead because she can’t or just doesn’t want to breastfeed.

• Don’t stare or mutter at the teenager having a meltdown because of her hidden disability, while the parents try their hardest to calm her down.

 If you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

 We have no right to judge others. There are times that I see a parent doing something and think “I wouldn’t do it that way” but then I’ve stopped myself. That’s not my child and I’m not the mother. I have no idea what has happened before or after an incident. You may think your way is better, but you don’t know that it is. You’re not perfect and you haven’t got it all figured out, as much as you want to believe it.

 But you can’t admit all that while you’re judging others for their actions. You’re not helping others by judging. You’re putting them down and making them feel like failures. Parenting is hard. It’s damn hard. Babies don’t come with instruction manuals and what worked for one definitely doesn’t work for them all. The things that you could do or did do in the past may not be allowed or may not be effective now. Want to be helpful?

 As parents we need to stick together. We’ve all been through the various stages and we’ve all had different outcomes of the same tricks and tips. Hike those judgy pants up and move on.

By the way, this isn't linked to anything that has happened to me recently. I've been at the receiving end of judgy parents and brushed them off--I think I annoyed them more but I don't really care. If you're going to judge me, you will get a mouthful for your lack of compassion or understanding of being a parent. This is just a note for all those who don't always have the courage to stand up to those who judge other parents.